dead baby maya.

it was a long day and i had to relax my mind before i go back into anymore studying. i went out the front yard for a dip in the pool. nothing beats night swimming. i tried to clear my mind as i swam each lap, i could not help but think of building construction, structural design and history of architecture. it seemed that my mind was too congested and needless to say too obstructed by thoughts of -----. i could not help but smile and laugh to myself, reminiscing how despite 3 years ago, yesterday could have been awkward. but no, it was actually relieving, like taking out a ton of gravel off my chest. yes, i missed him. but it does not mean that i want him back now that i am focusing for June 26, 2008. i let my mind wander of what should have been and just a while ago, as i was doing my laps, my fingers brushed through something. it was too small to be noticed in such a big tub. but instead of ignoring it, i tried to see what it was as it was difficult to see through the water without the UW lights on. despite the dim glow of the moon, i saw tiny wings.....a dead baby maya. it was a sign, and it meant for me to stop thinking of past relationships as it is dead as it is. and that god did not let things end then if it were not meant to be left broken as it is. surely, even in structural analysis, delta x is delta x. period.


tsk.


"......Don't they know that you're full of pain already? Yes they know that you've hurt yourself another time; Decadence isn't easy, is it?...

...Then you slowly recall all your mind; Why, your soul's gone cold, and all hope has run dry; Dead inside; Never enough to forget that you're one of the lonely....." - Disturbed

breathe amidst traffic.

For Fri Mar 14, 2008, 1:26 AM

It seems that i have found a way to avoid doing heavy load. no, not a coward's way out. but finding fault in a system done over so many times that it needs to be looked after and given attention.

now i can breathe amidst the traffic inside this corrupted office and relax my mind to the sound of the air conditioning unit humming wildly above my desk.

He says that I am pretty…pretty intense.

Speed drafting class starts at 9 in the morning. I come in late as usual, and luckily catching up on whatever techniques in drawing our professor shares with the class.

Lecture. Samples. Samples. More samples. Exercises.

I tried to make everything on my sheets of hopia paper look impressive, but I noticed that 2 years of no-drawing work has made me rusty.

Despite my disappointment, our professor pointed at my work and said “sure na ‘yan”. I took it as a good sign.

Its now 4 in the afternoon. My eyes tired, my hands darkened with lead and stained with ink.

Still practicing.

R----- praised my drafting. He said that I have improved a lot since college. He says that I am pretty............... pretty intense. Wahaha!!

Yay.

"Oh, I'm ready, I'm ready so don't stop
I'm ready so don't stop, Keep pushing..."