un-family.

They say that patience is a virtue. I think it is a skill to develop; an ability to endure.

I have never been more patient.

Family is easy to understand. You actually do not have to be patient with them because they are family and for a given fact, you do not deal with them, you live with it and just simply have to accept and respect and love them for who they are and what they do.

But, for “un-family” members, they are difficult to be patient with.

Lord, help…..

stuck.

Sometimes I wonder what life could have been if I left my current work a few months back. It’s not the first time I would reflect on work accomplishment and acknowledgement. As I see it, most employees who have worked here have become too relaxed with their work, too comfortable with their positions and the fact that they simply have jobs to support their families. They have been stuck here all their lives. I see myself living it freely, and not being able to stay too long enough to grow roots under my feet but time has lapsed and it has been a year and 9 months exactly, I don’t see myself the way I did then, now I have become them. Too caught up in the cradle of surety. I have been taking my job for granted that I have transformed into a mechanical worker, rather than a person who would do her job with passion and the satisfaction of having countless accomplishments. I have become ungrateful and less enthusiastic. People would notice and tell me how much I’ve changed. Aside from the fact that I still come late, I have been doing my job pretty well and there were of course the times I would go and visit plants and job sites. Those have been exciting and fun way to learn new things in construction. Now, it’s all fading. I’m now down with projects with housing, open space, and land development and I’m left to do only evaluations and attend negotiations and presentations of those to our management. Involvement with high rise project have been only a phase, my mentor, supposedly, should be teaching me and not telling me "it’s okay, you don’t have to do anything, I can manage." Now how does that define him as a mentor? I feel I might be wasting my time here when I should be elsewhere getting my education.

unchain me from guilt.

His tongue is smooth, and it felt like mine. He comes and charms ladies as if they’re the most beautiful of their kind. We make way for breaks and spend a few minutes occasionally for a smoke or some coffee. Though this may happen not everyday his words linger in my ear like sucking starfishes. They cajole. They’re sly. They trick. They leave you a good feeling about yourself. "You’re really looking good my dear." He may have shown a respectable façade, but his stories of his side trips changed the way I see him. He has done numerous acts of disloyalty to his family, his wife. He thinks otherwise. As long as it remains hidden and refrains being executed as gossip. I was told I have been living my life as a free spirit. He deserves to be called thrice more the same way, and be faced with karma. Our difference is he’s married, and I am not. But this does not unchain me from guilt after experiencing the thrill of it. His ways are a memory of myself. I know how I have been, leaving a taste of sweetness. Good at first, karma second, and third, and fourth... I used to say enjoy for the heck of it. But now I believe it wrong and unfair for some. I tell him about this, and he answers me the way I would then. He’s years older than me, yet he seems stuck with his immaturity. A type of character I see myself living again as I am leading myself into its accommodation. . I am both excited and scared of what may happen if…