The past weeks have been delusional. I come to work on alternate days and on other days I begin my day at eight in the morning. Design classes are like a necessity for me night now, and in truth, I cannot afford to lose a session. I admit I come in class later than that, and expect to finish the plate in 4 hours, whereas the given time is about 8 hours including doing the conceptual model. After which the professor would discuss and the student shall interact amongst and with him regarding the design problem involved. R says that I have been doing well, I believe I’m lacking something else. I try to be effective and not waste those 9 hours specifically just for drafting and design or I might not have any other day allotted for it because Wednesday and or Thursday would have a totally different schedule, different agenda.
I still need practice. Patience is a virtue but time really is gold and ticks too damn fast.
After class at Morayta, I head straight to the next class in Diliman. Given an hour travel, and leaving the 1st class 30 minutes later than the supposed dismissal time due to extensive criticism of design solutions, I arrive to the next class late. I among to cope anyway and that’s what matters. I know for sure that the given time for us to listen and participate in the next four hours is "review" enough. So I pay attention. Literally paid the school so I would be in attention to all these details I need for architecture, design and construction. Life is a breeze, it means, like Juan Tamad, and should be as easy as swinging on a hammock under the mango tree. But in this case, it has been a breeze, airy, data overload, and fast drifting.
Going to work on the other hand has become automatic to me. As for a robot, doing the usual stuff, Different situations, different projects, but the same way of handling things. As M would say SSDD! I see myself calm, avoiding to stress over work, as I believe, sir it isn’t my business. But I do care about it and its owners, maybe that’s why I was placed in this position. This department, where our department head puts it as the trusted ones of the COO. I have been thinking, maybe I have been too honest or too nice here. Whereas I thought I was different then. J says I have changed for the better. Maybe to fit his habits n attitude here, and for his benefit. But I know I do not like what I have been becoming. This is not what I had expected at all. Again, regret. I know that I should never go sour over the outcome however bad it may be, but I can not understand I how I have managed to stay adapt to an environment, where there seem forces trying to drag me down and keep hidden back for him only to be acknowledged. Being a good officemate and supposedly partner in projects, I do pat his back for a job well done, and so does he sometimes, but more often with hint of sarcasm. No I am not seeking attention, but his actions towards me have led to him doing the work I should be doing. I assume so he’d be noticed now and be given extra credit for it. I work all trades, and with pay for the work of one. It sucks.
On normal days he would try to take all the work and surely, I’d be sitting by my desk doing just a few minor projects. I let him do what he wants n go to meetings not including me now. And then come this morning, when he admits he cannot take too much work n needed a partner. I said then what was I here for? And he would retaliate that it just so happens that I come only alternate days to work. (Due to my classes these days and I cannot jeopardize that, because my complaint refers to the time he have been so dates back to ayah~ F knows when. he says he cannot just schedule meetings on days I’m here. I mean, why can’t he? We do the schedules and submit them to the project managers. He is doing this on purpose. And for what (obvious) reason? I do not want to assume judgement because I fear my hypothesis to be true and see it with disgust.
Lord help…
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